"What is so great about New Zealand?" Subtitle: Alan Charman vs the Expat Exposed forum and other antis

This is a frequently-used search term, so I thought it might be worth having a fast general look at what is so great about New Zealand.

First off, like everywhere in the world, New Zealand has its share of problems - some social, some economic - but it is still a great place. The only countries that come close to New Zealand's excellence - Australia & Canada - are confirmed by world opinion polls that usually rank us 1, 2 and 3 in whatever order.

I think Canada fails because of temperature, while Australia is the only place on the planet can be demonstrated to be better than NZ. And that's all thanks to mineral wealth and countless Kiwis showing the lazy Aussie bums up!

Anyway, New Zealand itself is a nature-lover's paradise. While parts of it are indeed quite filthy and polluted, there are other, easily accessible, parts that are unique. I don't know how many cities around the world have pristine beaches with excellent catchable fish within an hour's drive of any part of the city, but that is the case for all four of NZ's major cities. Or how many others have the sheer volume of libraries, parks and swimming pools New Zealand does.

It's clear that our wealth, health, intelligence, productiveness, longevity and lifestyles at least match most places on the planet. We are a peaceful, non-gun-carrying people in the main. There is a sub-group that is responsible for the wide majority of crime and violence in society, but while we're a little worse than some places for crime, we're a lot better than most. Most of our really heinous crimes are committed within the family, so it's not something for visitors or arrivals to worry about.

Unless they're marrying into those families!

Despite claims to the contrary, there is no poverty in NZ, other than the small amount created by drug-, booze- and gambling-addicted people who choose to waste their welfare payments instead of buying food & shelter for their kids.

The main detracting feature is that being at the far reaches of the planet, people here have a strong desire to make it in the wider world and lots of Kiwis export themselves to all parts of the world, usually turning up in positions of excellence, as is the case with Google and Jet Propulsion Laboratory - to note just two - both of which have had major successes thanks to Kiwis. Graham Hart is another example; a Kiwi bloke who just happens to control vast tracts of the world's packaging businesses, or Owen Glenn, the billionaire innovator who launched commercial air transport of freight.

Many of these Kiwis return to NZ eventually.

What makes it a great place is that every child has access to free healthcare, excellent schools which all have wide expanses of outdoor play areas, instant access to all outdoor pursuits, a stable weather pattern where the upper North Island is never too cold and only too hot for about 4 days annually. You don't need airconditioning in NZ houses. Other things that make it great are Kiwis' own sense of determination born of isolation, the clean farm produce we feed the world with, access to everlasting fresh, clean water, clear air almost everywhere, clean seas to play and fish in. Access to sport facilities of all types at all times and representation of all cultures on the planet.

Those are the things that make NZ great. Overall, they far outweigh the negative, so I won't even bother mentioning them!

(Indoor types tell me there's plenty of inside life available, but I'll let you take their word for it, because I wonder why you'd bother)

March 2012 Update.

I received the following message this week - anonymous, of course!

Comment:
I was born in New Zealand and lived in that cesspit for 26 years of my life and its redneck oppossum catchers like yourself that remind me never return to the land of the long white lie.

I have lived in Rurope now for 17 years and you never hear anything about New Zealand because it is not news worthy unless you guys are throwing midgets. Those brands that you have posted are never seen in Europe. Typical hillbilly trying to big something up from his village. You need to travel round a bit more dude and I am not talking about New Zealander travel either so you can learn some new sh1t. Following the All Blacks on tour is not travelling.

Now listen Jeb Clampett, dont you be coming on the interent proving your a fool with all this bollucks. You made me laugh though, Mail Marshall and F & P; Dude how can you be so ignorant.

By the way I have seen NZ sales presentations here in London to trick immigrants over to NZ shores and it is totally mis-selling.

Just goes to show how dumb you are coming on here and treating immigrants like crap. You should be thanking them because your house would be worthless if it wasnt for immigrants. Well I better do some work.
 

This is excellent, because it is completely typical of the kind of nonsense I see spewed forth by anti-NZ people.

I am going to break it into small bits, because while anyone can think NZ's a dump, clearly making things up because some Kiwi once gave you a hiding is just pathetic, and I think most of what's said in the message is made up.

The first bit: redneck oppossum catchers Seriously? This is the kind of "your mom" moronic comment useless American slugs make because they're not even able to make insults with any kind of coherence.

And wrong. Even the thickest Kiwi can tell you that the animal pest we have in NZ is the possum, which is a marsupial and therefore no relation to "opossums", which he couldn't even spell right!

never hear anything about New Zealand because it is not news worthy

This is a bad thing? I like NZ not being in the news. International news usually consists of reporting atrocities. Sweden and Norway are classic examples of European countries that hardly ever make international news unless some crazed gunman has just shot a wagonload of kids.

It is such a feeble attempt at a put down, I think no more need be said on that subject - we're not big news. I almost feel the need of an OMG!!11!

Those brands that you have posted are never seen in Europe. Typical hillbilly trying to big something up from his village

Again, I find this kind of attempted put down utterly amazing that anyone would try anything so dumb. NZ brands aren't big in Europe? So what? I'll give you just one example of a company you've never heard of: Buckley Systems, which manufactures crucial electromagnets used in building silicon chips. This amazingly hi-tech equipment is still built in Mt Wellington, Auckland, and supplies around 80% of the worldwide market. Since you've proven yourself totally ignorant already, I'll put in more simple terms for you:

A small, NZ company is responsible for 80% of the production of programmable electronics - computers and phones - for the entire planet.

There are numerous other examples of companies that have grown out of NZ, and I'll gladly provide them, if you really can't use such a simple system as Google.

And if I wanted to "big something up" I'd obviously choose dairy. Funny how, in all the vitriol about rednecks and hillbillies - of which there are [laughably] virtually none in NZ, you neglect to even note that NZ continues to lead the world in both production of clean milk and milk products, a skill which has been sought after by every dairying nation.

I am compelled to give you one more, that since you don't understand business or the real world much, I bet you have heard of - a couple of movies, including the highest-grossing movie of all time Avatar,  along with the Lord of the Rings trilogy, and about to be joined by The Hobbit.

They just happen to be New Zealand products.

You need to travel round a bit more dude

Nah, I'll pass right now, too bloody busy, New Zealand is pumping right now. I love the way you - as every knocker does - that people who don't see NZ as a shit-hole are non-travelling, ignorant people, when everything you write, every poor piece of English and lack of writing skills you expose in yourself, screams that you are clearly the ignorant one.

I have seen NZ sales presentations here in London to trick immigrants over to NZ shores and it is totally mis-selling

Here, I agree. One government department is full of shit. Not like that happens elsewhere in the world.

your house would be worthless if it wasnt for immigrants

I love this bit most of all. You're crying about what a dump NZ is, yet thousands of Asians and Indians are queueing up to live here. And these are people who don't listen to the idiot ad campaigns inflicted on Poms, these are people with relatives already here. Unfortunately, what you say is a contradiction in terms - you say NZ's worthless, yet you also note that people will pay any price to move here. Which one is correct? We know for sure property prices are absurd in Auckland especially, and that it's driven almost entirely by migrants and returning Kiwis.

Ergo, you're an idiot with an agenda and nothing anyone says will ever change your mind. As noted at the start, I imagine there's a psychological reason for your hatred, but it's stupid.

You talk of Europe - and presumably UK - as some Utopia that Kiwis should be dying to get to. I have the ability to live in any of the countries there, as do many tens or hundreds of thousands of Kiwis who prefer to call New Zealand home.

Europe is in such great shape right now. Ever hear of the PIIGS? Stands for Portugal, Italy, Ireland, Greece, Spain, which were all in Europe last time I checked. Those countries have economies that are in deep shit, and I can tell you for a fact that I receive application from people in those countries every day desperate to move here, away from Europe.

If you want to talk about parts of Europe that aren't in deep crap, and that I like, the Scandinavian countries are indeed excellent places, and I prefer the society there, but the infinitely warmer winters here will keep me on this side of the world.

Anyway, I don't want to slag Europe off, some of my favourite places live there, but even Germans, Dutch, French and citizens of every European state want to come and live here. Many of them have already been here several times prior to trying to migrate.

As a final note, I will mention James Cameron and Peter Jackson, two of the world's richest, most influential and capable movie producer/directors on the planet, both of whom choose to call New Zealand.

Or the growing list of billionaires that are choosing New Zealand as a place to move to.

And as for the closing of the message above:

Well I better do some work

I agree. Given what I've seen of your intellectual ability, I imagine you're lowly paid and supervised, so I wouldn't let your boss catch you.