As readers will know, I am opposed to unfairness in the world.
Today, I have come across one of the most egregiously unfair situations I've ever seen, and it MUST STOP NOW!
On one side, we have an attack force consisting of:
24 fighters
2 heavy bombers
5 bombers
1 cannon
1 field gun
3 sharks
1 robber
Their opponents?
Six pirates! Yes, just six lousy pirates, armed with a blunderbuss, two cutlasses and three hooks.
Outnumbered and outgunned? You've never seen anything like it.
So, who is this cowardly attacker that would attack such a small band with such an immense array of power? USA? Russia? North Korea? China?
No.
It is one four-year-old boy.
That's his idea of a fair fight. I call bullshit!
As leader of the pirates, I protest! How am I expected to compete with that kind of firepower? The maximum range of our one lousy blunderbuss is about twenty paces - the maximum range of the bombers is 1000 leagues! Long before the pirate ship can even see the enemy, they're being bombed and sinking, but they can't even swim for it, because he sets the attack sharks loose. No escape.
On one memorable occasion, one of the pirates managed to dodge the bombs, sharks and machine-gun bullets, making it to within ten paces of the front line. Bravely, he charges forward, cutlass in hand, ready to kill!
Until he cops a direct shot in the face from the 20lb cannon.
We can't even find a hair to put in his coffin; his head was completely obliterated.
Fight fair, you bastard!
Copyright © Alan Charman