22 January
Now here are a couple of genuinely funny stories to brighten up your dreary, post-cyclone morning:
First up, Key, practising his stand-up routine for after Parliament, says of NZ First being part of his coalition after the election, "A few things have changed since then," when referring to his previous stance of "No way will I ever form a coalition with Winston Peters".
Yes, John. You're running out of coalition partners.
Meanwhile, in the world of royal families, we are about to see an historic meeting of two direct heirs to the British throne - 2nd and 3rd in line, to be precise - with the mighty King Tuheitia.
In case you haven't read my previous pieces on "King" Tuheitia, he is the offspring of the late Dame Te Atairangikaahu. Even Chris Trotter, Labour stalwart and pro-Maori sovereignty bloke, said of Tuheitia, "The lioness has whelped an ass." Tuheitia, a former truck driver and non-Maori speaker had never thought much about becoming King, but his wife, Te Atawhai sure had.
No sooner was Te Atairangikaahu in her grave than Te Atawhai was appointed Patron of the Maori Women's Welfare League, an organisation already infamous for the involvement of another woman of straw, Hannah Tamaki.
Good old King Tuheitia is more laden with honours than Idi Amin was. Holding the esteemed offices of Grand Cross of the Order of the Crown of Tonga (never been to Tonga) and Knight Commander of the Order of St. Lazarus of Jerusalem (hasn't been to Jerusalem either), old Tuheitia is a joke.
Anyway, should be a fun visit, and Wills won't need an interpreter. I imagine Woman's Weekly already has a photographer and journo organised to to talk to Te Atawhai after the event to check out the selfies she will have taken with Kate.
It will be lovely to see the Brits' hospitality toward our own head of state, John Key, when he and his family stayed at Balmoral. At that time, Key's son went grouse-shooting with Wills, while Johnny had a quick squirt around the farm in HMQ's Range Rover.
Perhaps Wills & George could go along with our own 3rd in line, Korotangi, and do a few burnouts.
Copyright © Alan Charman