15 January 2013
Special Investigation: Tuilaepa Sa'ilele Malielegaoi
For those of you who wonder who the hell Tuilaepa Sa'ilele Malielegaoi is, he is the Prime Minister of Samoa.
Thanks to some diligent research, I can now let the secret out - and this is one that will make Len Clown's peccadilloes seem like being caught talking at kindy.
The Right Honourable Tuilaepa Sa'ilele Malielegaoi may actually be a fa'afafine!
This picture has been sent in by our Samoan correspondent, taken at a party last Saturday night:
The picture is clearly labelled "Tuilaepa Sa'ilele Malielegaoi" (download and see for yourself!) and the resemblance is startling. Samoan people, in my long experience, are very attractive, well-built people, and as you can clearly see from this official photo of Tuilaepa Sa'ilele Malielegaoi, he is an ugly, fat slug; completely unattractive, as is the fa'afafine above:
As you can see, the fat slug easily has tits big enough to not need falsies, and they are pretty much the same in both photos, except the uplift in the first photo is obvious as the rolls of fat are pushed upwards to create a bust.
The hair transformation is equally obvious, with this being shot at the same desk, but wearing a wig:
The resemblance cannot be explained away, Tuilaepa Sa'ilele Malielegaoi, be honest for once in your life!
At the party on Saturday night, the person in the first photo was spotted going outside to a parked van with a constant stream of gentlemen. Our inside and impeccable source assures us that the person, allegedly named "Aunty Helen", went to the van with no fewer than eight different gentlemen, all for brief periods of time. The van was observed to be rocking violently on its springs on each of these occasions.
When Aunty Helen was questioned about her actions, she responded with a claim that she had taken the men out to the van to tell them a dirty joke, and the rocking was them shaking with laughter.
When asked about the creamy-looking stains on her dress, Aunty Helen explained that it was a latte she'd spilled earlier. She refused to answer questions about the amount of tala she was seen to be displaying by the end of the night.
We demand that Tuilaepa Sa'ilele Malielegaoi answer the question: Are you really "Aunty Helen"?
Copyright © Alan Charman